Sign of Love: Pain: Part Two

In the first part of this blog post, you have heard every pain I had experienced in the past week. That pain was so unbearable that it almost crushed my heart and my entire life. So unbearable that it almost made me gave up in life but I heard a voice saying, MY SON! MY SON! DO NOT GIVE UP! I HAVE SOMETHING GOOD IN STORE FOR YOU! This made me realize that IN THE MIDST OF EVERY UNBEARABLE PAIN, THERE IS A GOD WHO IS READY TO FIGHT FOR YOU NO MATTER HOW HOPELESS IT MAY BE. A GOD WHO WILL GIVE YOU HOPE. A GOD WHO WILL HELP YOU WIN IN LIFE.

It was March 28, 2013, MAUNDY THURSDAY, when I have realized how God loves me through the TV Program “The 8^th Word”. It was a Shepherd’s Voice Radio and Television and Preacher in Blue Jeans Holy Week Special. It was about the Seven Last Words of Jesus Christ before He died on the cross PLUS AN EIGHT WORD of Christ to the World. The message was delivered in a special manner by Bo Sanchez and some Kerygma Preachers like Alvin Barcelona, Obet Cabrillas, Rissa Singson-Kawpeng, Arun Gogna, J Yogawin, Migs Ramirez, and George Gabriel. Their message is simple yet it will move and change your life if you just let them.

I realized a lot of things. Yes, I may have lost a thing that I only treasure (being on the Dean’s List) but I realized that God has given me everything that I need in life. I realized that if I haven’t sacrificed my time for other people, especially for my friends and family, they may be experiencing great pain in their life.

I remember those times when I readily sacrificed my time just to help my friends in their problems like in Academics (Most of the time), Spiritual, Social, Relationship, Family, etc.

I remembered that whenever I have a friend who find it hard to understand their lesson, regardless of their year level and their academic level (It may be High School or College), I will help them even though I’m also busy. I remembered, I have helped friends from Paranaque Science High School (lower years), Information Technology Department (lower years), AMV-College of Accountancy, and of course, Computer Science Department (both my block mates and some friends from other sections). I would tend to sacrifice going home late or going to school early just to help them in the best way I could. I do this without expectations of something in return. I don’t want to be paid for what I do. I just do these things because I LOVE THEM. Yes! As simple as that.

I also remembered helping friends in their relationship and social problems. One is a friend of mine during high school and now studying at De La Salle – College of Saint Benilde, another is a friend from CFC-Youth For Christ South B9, and also some friends form University of Santo Tomas.

Now, my message for you (a message inspired by the K Preachers) is that, you may be experiencing right now a PAIN SO UNBEARABLE, IT CRUSHES YOUR WHOLESELF or maybe, you may be experiencing DIFFICULTY SO PAINFUL, IT POWDERED YOUR WHOLE LIFE but REMEMBER, GOD IS A GOD OF BLESSINGS, HEALING AND MIRACLES. God knows your pain. As a matter of fact, he experienced PAIN in human context. (Revealed on some bible verses like the shortest verse in the bible, “Jesus wept” - John 11:35) Yes, it may be painful but just LET GOD TRANSFORM YOUR PAIN INTO YOUR PARADISE and USE YOUR PAIN TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE RECOVER FROM THE PAIN because ONLY THOSE WHO HAD EXPERIENCED THE SAME PAIN CAN HELP THOSE PEOPLE WITH THAT KIND OF PAIN. (Ang mga taong makakatulong lang sa mga pighati ng isang tao ay yung mga taong nakaranas ng parehong pighati sa buhay) That is a proof that you can trust to God your pain. Besides He is a God of Healing, He also know what to do with your pain because He had experienced every bit of that. He had experienced every bit of human pain. Just RAISE YOUR WHITE FLAG TO GOD AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. You don’t have to live in fear because you have a God who will never ever forsake you. He is the Perfect Father, Perfect Brother, and a Perfect Teacher that WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. And if you tell me that you think you are not worthy of His love because you are sinful, I tell you, GOD DOES NOT LOOK AT EVERY BIT OF SIN YOU HAVE DONE BUT HE LOOKS AT YOUR FUTURE WITH GREAT HOPE. Trust in Him and everything will be Alright. ALL IS WELL.

(This is the reason why PAIN is a SIGN of LOVE.)

Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last.

-Luke 23:46

Sign of Love: Pain: Part One

This may be the most controversial part of my blog because majority of us would say that PAIN is not a SIGN of LOVE but rather its OPPOSITE. Kasi, paano ba naman, makakapag mahal ka ba ng maayos kung NASASAKTAN KA. Yung feeling na GOOD FRIDAY and buhay mo.

Sobra akong nasasaktan na ngayon. Ang daming pighati. Sa araw na ito, NASIRA MGA PANGARAP KO.

Una, Akala ko bukas pa ang bigayan ng grades pero pwede na daw makita ngayon. Kaya ayun, tinignan ko, nagbabakasakaling maganda ang makikita ko pero hindi. SOBRANG SAKIT! Nakita ko, 1.774 ang Semestral Average ko. In short, HINDI NA AKO DL. For the past 3 semesters, consistent DL ako pero wala na eh. FIRST TIME TO! ANG SAKIT! LAHAT NG PUYAT MO, NABALEWALA. Akala ko matiwasay na akong papasko next Sem. Akala ko maayos ko na maipagdidiwang ang Summer PERO HINDI! DUMATING NA ANG KINAKATAKUTAN KO. ANG DAMI KONG SAKRIPISYO para lang makapag aral. ANO NA ANG MUKHANG IHAHARAP KO. SOBRANG HIYANG HIYA NA AKO. Ang dami kong Kaibigan na DL padin hanggang ngayon. Eh ako, WASAK NA MGA PANGARAP KO. Punong puno na ako ngayon ng KAHIHIYAN. Ano na lang ang mukhang ihaharap ko sa kanila? Sa mga Magulang ko, sa mga kaibigan ko, sa mga kamag anak ko. Yung feeling na ayaw mo na pumunta ng school KASI SOBRANG HIYANG HIYA KA NA. Ewan mo, Ginawa mo naman ang lahat, eh bakit kilang padin :( ANG SAKIT ISIPIN KASI .024 lang ang kapos ko. Parang ayaw ko na bumalik sa school. Parang ayaw ko na magpakita sa mga tao. HIYANG HIYA NA AKO. Ito na nga lang ang pwede kong maipag malaki sa mga tao kasi WALA TALAGA! WALA AKONG SOMETHING NA MAIPAGMAMALAKI KO. WALA AKONG PERA, KULELAT AKO SA PISIKAL NA KAANYUAN. ANO PA BA? SIGE! WALA AKONG KWENTA! Sa sobrang hiya ko sa sarili ko, Gusto ko munang magpakalayo, layo. Deactivated muna ang Facebook at Twitter ko at babawasan ko na din ang pag tetext. AYOKO MUNANG MAGPARAMDAM. Magpapakalayo muna ako...

Pangalawa, sigh, ito, sawi na naman ako sa LL. As usual... Ewan ko nga ba eh, binigay ko naman ang lahat.

Pero naisip ko, ang mga pighating ito, may gagawin si God sa akin. OO, Good Friday parin ang buhay ko pero naniniwala ako, dadating din ang Easter Sunday...

Sign of Love: Smile

Sa araw na ito, sobrang depressed ko pero ang saya lang kasi NAKITA ko si GOD na NGUMITI SAKIN. As in FACE TO FACE :")

Knanina, sobroang aga ko umalis ng bahay para lang mag-aral sa library ng Calculus. Though na nag-aral na ako ng mahigit sa isang linggo, tingin ko kailangan ko parin mag-aral so I decided na pumasok ng maaga. Then, nakarating ako ng school, 4 hours before the exam so todo aral ako. Ang dami kong sinolve na problems tapos sa sobrang adik ko na, nag solve ako ng malulupit na problems (e.g. yung mga equations na may e^x, sinx, secx) Ayun, nasolve ko naman siya kahit papaano. So sabi ko sa sarili ko, "Handa na ako" 

Dumating yung exam, nagulat ako, kasi dalawang problems lang. At ang nagulat ako, compared sa mga sinolve ko sa library, sobrang simple ng binigay ng prof. Sabi ko, "yakang yaka to" pero sa sobrang kaba at pressure, nalito ako. Di ko nga alam kasi sobrang nag-aral ako pero nalito parin ako. Tapos ang masama pa,  5 minutes before ng time, sabi ng prof "Bawal gamitin yung 2nd Theorem of Pappus" Eh yun pa naman ang ginamit ko kasi madali kaya sobrang napressure ako at sinubukan kong palitan yung sagot ko. Ayun, nauwi sa wala :( After ng exam, para mawala yung depression at stress, bumili ako ng Shake sa Zagu. Tapos ayun, medyo nawawala na. Tapos noon, pumunta ako sa tita ko para gawin yung project ng pinsan ko. Sobrang antok na ako ng mga panahong iyon pero pinilit ko parin tapusin. After ko matapos yung project nya, pumunta kami ng pinsan ko sa SM San Lazaro para kumain. Tapos ayun, Kumain lang kami ng kumain. Nag Burger King at nag KFC kami. Sobrang busog ko pero sa sobrang depression, gusto ko pa kumain. (by the way, sobrang depressed ako kasi I'm aiming for a grade higher than 1.75 sa integral calculus para mahatak yung ibang subject pero mukhang isa pa ang calculus na kailangan kong hatakin pataas...) So ayun, after noon, I've decided na umuwi na. On my way home, I saw this little girl. Homeless and sobrang nakakaawa. Nanlilimos siya. Nakahiga sa lap niya yung kapatid niya. "Ang sinasabi pa niya noon, "Pangkain lang po" Sobrang naapektuhan ako noon. Kasi before, nakaexperience ako ng taong tinulungan ko at binilhan ko ng pagkain, pero pera parin ang hanap niya. Pero ngayon, sobrang iba. naghahanap siya ng pera para may makain. So I've decided na ibili ko sila ng food. Ginamit ko yung pang pamasahe na binigay ng tita ko sa akin. Dapat ilalaan ko sa savings ko iyon pero naisip ko, "Aanhin ko pa ang pera ko kung maraming nagugutom. Sana man lang gamitin ko ang ipon ko para kahit papaano, maibsan ang gutom nila" So ayun, bumili nga ako. Tapos, binigay ko sa kanila. Di ko napansin tatlo pala silang nanduon. ang una ko kasing bilang ay dalawa lang so dalawa lang binili ko. Pero ayun, sabi ko sa bata na may kasamang ngiti "Pakabusog kayo!" Though na di ko sila narinig na talagang nagpasalamat (pero parang bumulong siya eh na "Kuya, Salamat po") nakita ko talaga siya na ngumiti. Sobrang lungkot niya kanina (siguro dala na rin ng gutom) pero after ko siya bigyan ng food, SOBRANG SAYA NIYA at tsaka yung ngiti niya, di ordinaryo eh. Maraming ngiti na akong nakita, Ngit ng kaibigan pag pinagtitripan ako, ngiti ng magulan kapag may award ako, ngiti ni crush pag kinikilig, etc. pero IBA TALAGA YUNG NGITI NIYA. I SAW GOD IN HER, SMILING AT ME. Sobrang ganda talaga ng ngiti niya. Noong nakita ko iyon, sobrang napawi na lahat ng kalungkutan ko. Promise. Ang sweet tignan ng ngiti niya. Di ko matanggal sa isip ko yung ngiti niya. Ang Ganda kasi. First time ko makakita ng isang taong tinulungan mo, tapos ganun ka ganda yung ngiti. Kahit na hindi ko siya narinig umimik, yung ngiti pa lang niya, sobrang gumaan na loob ko. 

In her, I saw and heard God telling me, "Son, do not sin again. Come home now. Come to Me. I am here, ready and willing to give everything just to make you happy."  Through that girl, I felt LOVE. I prophesy na that girl will be happy in her life because though na mahirap at walang wala siya, she is able to share her happiness to other people. Ang sarap talaga maging bata, bata na alam na mahal na mahal siya ng kanyang AMA at INA :")

Battlefield of Love

Sigh, bakit ganito, nakakaramdam na naman ako ng masamang bagay. Kasi naman eh, bakit pa ako lumaban sa isang laban na maliit lang ang tsansa o walang tsana ang pagkapanalo ko...