Tuesday, December 31, 2013

PURPOSE: A look in the past year

I sometimes cannot comprehend the things that happen around me. Ewan ko nga ba pero parang lahat ng tao blessed pero ako parang binagsakan ng mga problema ng mundo.

Part 1: PAIN

  • Kinapos yung Semestral Grade ko ng by 0.02 para makapasok sa Dean's List kaya ayun, 1st time ko mawala sa Dean's List Since 1st Year 1st Sem noong 2nd Year 2nd Sem
  • Got rejected by a girl na nagka crush sakin once at naging crush ko din kaso di yoon nangyari ng sabay. Rejected by some "age" issues...Baka daw kasi i-judge kami ng ibang tao.
  • Got rejected by a girl of the same batch kaso ibang college. Maganda ang relationship namin noong 2012. This rejection is the MOST PAINFUL and kahit alam ko na wala akong pag asa sa kanya noong bandang April pa lang, hanggang ngayon, ang sakit padin.
  • Nalaman kong yung isang girl na nagpapasaya sakin ay may nagpapasaya na sa kanya.
  • Nalaman kong ayaw nung isang girl sakin.
  • Been rejected since 1994
  • Naalala ko pa. Yung isa kong ka community, nirereject na ako purkit may pinupuntahan lang akong ibang community. Sabi pa nya: "Ganyan tayo eh, kay _____ ano ka na lang. Di ka na ___" Though pabiro lang ang intention nya, sobrang sakit. Akala ko ba sa community na ito, tanggap ka kung sino ka eh bakit parang di nila tanggap kung ano mga pinupuntahan ko kahit almost same setup lang naman yung dalawang communities na yoon. Isa to sa dahilan kung bakit di ako nagpapaka active dito sa community na ito eh.
  • Nasabihan na wala akong kwentang mag lead kahit na sobrang hirap na ako sa pagsusubok na galingan ang pag lelead ko.
  • Lagi na lang nilalait height ko. Minsan nga, yung isa kong ka close na friend, medyo nalait yung stature ko. Ayun, medyo nainis ako sa kanya lalo na at na timing na bad mood ako
  • Para bang ayaw makinig sa iyo ng mga tao
  • Paminsan minsan, feeling ko wala na akong friend na malalapitan. Lahat sila wala nang time sakin. Even my family
Marami pa akong pighati na naranasan pero sabi nga, "In your pain, your purpose shall be revealed". Yun na lang ang pinanghahawakan ko.

Part 2: PURPOSE
  • Though sa community na naramdaman kong rejected ako, may ilang members parin doon na tanggap ako kung sino ako.
  • Nakapag talk ako sa 2 camps na may mga 30+ participants
  • Nakapag share ako sa isang event na may 300+ audiences
  • Nakakapag inspire ako ng tao
Though na mas masakit ang taon na ito compared sa 2012, alam kong mas nakita ko ang purpose sakin ni God this 2013 at mas makikita ko pa iyon sa 2014.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Random Thoughts #24

SOMEDAY, If God's will, I will be like this...

I will be a loving father to my wife and children...
I will be a loving leader that will bring out the best in other people...
I will be a loving encourager that believes not on the past of other people but on the bright future they have in life...
I will be a loving speaker that will proclaim how great is our God...

Photo from: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=691169214235359&set=a.375826502436300.92793.245659595452992&type=1

Through the lessons brought by the pain in my life, I WILL BE ONE OF THE MOST LOVING PERSON IN THE WORLD!

Random Thoughts #23

I WANT to have a SIGNIFICANT LIFE, not just to myself, my friends and family, and my community, but also to the WHOLE WORLD. I want to have a life that will make the whole world realize the beauty of life. I want to have a life that will inspire the world to be PROUD of the uniqueness every creature has. I want to have a life that will make the whole world thank the One who has given every thing in this world a life full of joy.

I may be famous and known by the world or maybe I won't be famous...but that's okay. The important thing is, I made the One who made me, FAMOUS and KNOWN to the WORLD.

Friday, November 15, 2013

Random Thoughts #22

Christmas wish: To be healed COMPLETELY from the pain and wounds of a broken heart and broken past that I have...

Random Thoughts #21

Akala ko tapos na...Akala ko naka move on na ako kaso matapos ng nakita ko kanina, pighati at luha ay muling dumaloy sa aking puso at mga mata :'(

#Chapter10

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

B.O.B.O. (Bringing Out the Best in Others)

Many of us know what a compass is for. A compass is a navigational instrument that shows directions in a frame of reference that is stationary relative to the surface of the earth. (Wikipedia)

Nowadays, many people are lost in their lives.

     They keep on doing things without knowing its consequences.
     They keep on expressing their thoughts without thinking of its effects to other people.
     They seemed to have no DIRECTION in LIFE.

There was once this man named Jonah. 
     
     The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai: “Go to the great city of Nineveh and preach against it, because its wickedness has come up before me.” But Jonah ran away from the Lord and headed for Tarshish. He went down to Joppa, where he found a ship bound for that port. After paying the fare, he went aboard and sailed for Tarshish to flee from the Lord.
     Then the Lord sent a great wind on the sea, and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up. All the sailors were afraid and each cried out to his own god. And they threw the cargo into the sea to lighten the ship. But Jonah had gone below deck, where he lay down and fell into a deep sleep. The captain went to him and said, “How can you sleep? Get up and call on your god! Maybe he will take notice of us so that we will not perish.” 
     Then the sailors said to each other, “Come, let us cast lots to find out who is responsible for this calamity.” 
     They cast lots and the lot fell on Jonah. So they asked him, “Tell us, who is responsible for making all this trouble for us? What kind of work do you do? Where do you come from? What is your country? From what people are you?” He answered, “I am a Hebrew and I worship the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the dry land.”
     This terrified them and they asked, “What have you done?” (They knew he was running away from the Lord, because he had already told them so.)
     The sea was getting rougher and rougher. So they asked him, “What should we do to you to make the sea calm down for us?”
     “Pick me up and throw me into the sea,” he replied, “and it will become calm. I know that it is my fault that this great storm has come upon you.”
     Instead, the men did their best to row back to land. But they could not, for the sea grew even wilder than before. Then they cried out to the Lord, “Please, Lord, do not let us die for taking this man’s life. Do not hold us accountable for killing an innocent man, for you, Lord, have done as you pleased.” Then they took Jonah and threw him overboard, and the raging sea grew calm. At this the men greatly feared the Lord, and they offered a sacrifice to the Lord and made vows to him.
     Now the Lord provided a huge fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the Lord his God.
     Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time: “Go to the great city of Nineveh and proclaim to it the message I give you.”
     Jonah obeyed the word of the Lord and went to Nineveh. Now Nineveh was a very large city; it took three days to go through it. Jonah began by going a day’s journey into the city, proclaiming, “Forty more days and Nineveh will be overthrown.” The Ninevites believed God. A fast was proclaimed, and all of them, from the greatest to the least, put on sackcloth.
     When Jonah’s warning reached the king of Nineveh, he rose from his throne, took off his royal robes, covered himself with sackcloth and sat down in the dust. This is the proclamation he issued in Nineveh:

     “By the decree of the king and his nobles:

     Do not let people or animals, herds or flocks, taste anything; do not let them eat or drink. But let people and animals be covered with sackcloth. Let everyone call urgently on God. Let them give up their evil ways and their violence. Who knows? God may yet relent and with compassion turn from his fierce anger so that we will not perish.”

     When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he relented and did not bring on them the destruction he had threatened. (Jonah 1:1-7, 2:1, 3:1-10)

All we need is a COMPASS that will guide us.

NORTH: Noble and vivid picture of the Vision
SOUTH: Strong-willed and focused
WEST: Wise and values truth
EAST: Expresses genuine LOVE

In the story, Jonah was so afraid of the Ninevites because they have been an enemy to them. He was so afraid that they might kill him but on the other hand, Jonah doesn't want God to forgive the Ninevites. He knew God is a merciful God and so for him, because the Ninevites are their enemies, they don't deserve Gods forgiveness and they should be killed.

Jonah is like us.

     People who have lost our sense of direction and purpose in life.
     People who believed in ourselves more than surrendering to His fantastic purpose for us.
     People who have loved ourselves more than others.
     
Most of the time, because we know that whenever we will do something good to others, we are afraid to do it because maybe we are afraid to be described "corny" because most people around us nowadays tend to describe the people who do good as "corny". Or maybe, we are afraid that in giving everything to others, we might not gain something from it. We tend to become selfish. We tend to want all the things around us. Or maybe, because we are called to do good to our enemies, we tend to go away with it because we believe that our enemies deserve those bad things and they don't deserve our help. 

Corruption, abuse of power, selfishness, and many other bad things that happen to us nowadays are rooted in this simple reasons, reasons of pain.

     We tend to be "undirected" because of this pain, pain of unworthiness.
     We tend to hurt others because we feel this pain, pain of rejection.
     
Every pain in our life is a result of a DEEP DESIRE of LOVE in our hearts.

Because of these pain, we tend to find alternative "prizes" in order to ease the pain but these alternatives are just temporary. 

What we need is a permanent prize...

The Permanent Prize

Let me introduce the permanent prize in a story.

One day a monk went to cleanse himself in the river. While doing so he noticed a scorpion struggling in the water. Knowing that scorpions can’t swim, the monk knew if he did not save the scorpion, it would drown. Thus, carefully picking up the scorpion, the monk rescued it from drowning. And as he was just about to set it down, the scorpion stung his finger. In pain, the monk drew back his hand and the scorpion went flying, back into the river. As soon as the monk regained his composure, he again lifted the scorpion out of the water. Again, before he could set the scorpion down, the creature stung him. This drama lasted for several minutes.

A hunter watched this routine, wherein the monk would carefully and gingerly lift the creature out of the water to yet again fling it back in the water again. While at the same time also convulsing from the pain unleashed by each fresh sting. Eventually, unable to hold onto his curiosity the hunter said to the monk, “Excuse me for my outspokenness, but it is clear the scorpion is simply going to sting you each time you try to carry it to safety. So, why don’t you just give up on it and let it drown”?

To this the monk replied: “My dear child, the scorpion is not stinging me out of malice or evil intent. Just as it is the water’s nature to make me wet, so it is the scorpion’s nature to sting. He doesn’t understand that I am getting him to safety. Quite simply, there is a level of conscious comprehension greater than what his brain can accomplish. But, just as it is the scorpion’s nature to sting, so it is my nature to save. Just as he is not leaving his nature, why should i leave my nature? My dharma is to help every creature – human or animal. Then why should I let a small scorpion rob me of the divine nature which I have gained through years of sadhana (penance)?”

(taken at: http://basantnayar.newsvine.com/_news/2010/10/27/5361301-the-story-of-the-monk-and-the-scorpion)

Just like in the story, it is in our nature, because of our imperfection, to sometimes do bad things but it is also in God's nature, though hurt in the things we have done, to love us perfectly even of the perfections that we have. THIS IS THE PERMANENT PRIZE, HIS LOVE FOR US.

Even we are imperfect, God is hopeful that one day, we will just surrender to His wonderful love for us. And because we are His children, we also have the nature to love. 

This is what God call us to do, to love other people as God loved us. In this process, we are able to heal ourselves through Him and we are able to lead others, though we might think that we are not qualified leaders. Remember, God always call the weak to lead the strong.

Conclusion

Many times in our life, we experience pain. We experience great storms. we experience torrential rain. We experience disasters in life and because of this, some of us run away from it and some, they just give up. My friend, remember the story of Jonah? God did not use the storm to kill Jonah or the sailors Instead, this is a REDIRECTION because God has a more fantastic, overwhelming, wonderful, colorful plans in store for him. This also applies to us and if we will just surrender to His redirection, we will be RESTORED, EMPOWERED, and be VICTORIOUS IN LIFE.

Friend, remember that every storm is an opportunity given to us by God not to fail in life. He does not want us to fail! He allowed these storms to happen in life not because He is mad at us. God allowed these storms to happen because He wants to BRING OUT THE BEST in OURSELVES and help OTHERS TO BRING OUT THE BEST in them because we cannot encourage others if we are not encouraged. 

God wants the best for us and He wants us to be successful in life because He love us! Look at the problem not as resistance but as redirection and restoration and being the best not just being successful but also helping others by sharing and giving the LOVE of God that we have experience. It does not need to be complicated things but Constant Simple and Random act of Kindness to others are the best things we can do to shoe our love to other people, not just toward our friends but also toward our enemies.

Be Blessed!

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Lead!

Leadership is not just being the servant of all...Leadership is also about seeing great, wonderful, and best things from your neighbor in which other people cannot see and bringing out the very best in them.

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

Man Said, God Said #1

Man Said:
You have a BROKEN PAST
God Said:
You have a BRIGHT FUTURE

Rejoice!

Exhausted? Depressed? In deep Pain?

Do not be bitter...rather rejoice!
Thank God for such event in life and Be a Wounded Healer

Offer your Pain to God and let God use you as an instrument to heal other people, especially with the same wound that you have. In that way, you will also be healed.

Key: Be grateful with everything that you have and surrender everything to God and let Him bless you and multiply the things that you have lost.

Verse: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28)

#InspirationalMessage

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Broken Desires, Blessed Dreams

Minsan naiisip ko kung bakit mas blessed pa syung ibang tao na, well, di ganun kabuti...Minsan gusto ko na lang sumuko sa pagkakabuti...

Hindi ko talaga alam pero bakit ganun...I've tried everything naman...Nag aral ako ng mabuti...Nag sakripisyo ako ng mga gala and non academic activities pero bakit ganun, mukhang di masusuklian ang hirap ko. Oo, IBM DB2 Academic Associate Certified na ako pero mukhang yung talagang sinakripisyo ko, di na matutupad. Ang sakit isipin na lumalaki na ang chansa na di ako makabalik ng Dean's List...Matapos ang lahat ng paghihirap ko. Nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa :( Minsan napapaisip ko, ANO BA ANG MALI KONG NAGAWA :'( 

Ang sakit...:'( Isa na lang ang pinanghahawakan ko, na hindi ako papabayaan ni God at lahat ng nangyayari saking sakit ay para sa ikakabuti ko :'(

Saturday, September 7, 2013

MASAKIT


Ngayon na lang uli ako nag sulat ng blog post sa Wikang Filipino at kaya ko ginawa ito para mas mailahad tong nararamdaman ko...


Yung feeling na alam na nga niya na nasasaktan ako tapos dadagdagan pa niya. Durog na nga ako tapos dudurugin pa niya ako.


Napansin ko lang...OO, mabait ako sa mga tao sa paligid ko. Nakakapag timpi ako kahit punong puno na ako pero sa nakikita ko, MADALAS, INAABUSO NA NG MGA TAO ANG KABAITAN KO! Bilang lang sa daliri ng kamay ko ang talagang tapat sa akin, nakaharap man siya sa akin o nakatalikod. Hindi purkit nakakaya kong mag timpi, sasaktan ninyo na ako ng paulit ulit. TAO DIN NAMAN AKO...NASASAKTAN DIN!

Nakakalungkot talaga...


Pero tama nga naman eh...kaya wala sigurong nagkakagusto kasi MALIIT ako...

#WalaEh #MasakitEh

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Academic Dream: A Different Side of Me

I dream of graduating by 2015 with Latin Honors...


This is my dream now but let me share you something different...

I didn't totally like my current Degree Program (BS Computer Science) but by God's Grace, I'm able to cope up with my program.



What I like is AB/ BA Multimedia Arts. (I want to work at Pixar Animation Studios)

I Somehow like BS Architecture.


If I will be still fired up, I want to pursue a Master's Degree in Software Engineering or take up my Second Degree in BS Electronics Engineering, BS Computer Engineering, AB/ BA Multimedia Arts, BS Aerospace Engineering (Abroad...I somehow like working at NASA).

During Elementary, I want to take up Bachelor of  Sacred Theology (No, I don't want to become a Priest. I just want to be a Theology Professor/ Teacher or I just want to know God even more. I don't plan this to become a source of income. I just want to know God even more) So I'm also taking into consideration taking up, when I graduate and still fired up, AB Major in Theology or Bachelor of Sacred Theology and/or take up a Master's Degree in Sacred Theology.

That’s it! I SURRENDER!

Do not fear, for I am with you; 
Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you, surely I will help you,
Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. 
- Isaiah 41:10
That’s it! I can’t bear this any longer.This pain lingers in my life for a long time now and I don’t know how to handle this...

First, I cannot bear this pain in my body. I don’t know how to handle this. 

Every time I walk around and see these guys who are far TALLER, LOOKS BETTER, MORE BUFF, and HAVE MORE TREASURES THAN ME, I GET INSECURED. I envy them because almost all of them do not experience the PAIN NO. 2 (Keep reading to know more about this pain no. 2) But me, who is STOUT, SHORT, NOT SO GOOD LOOKING, SKINNY, POOR, though How much I tried, I cannot be proud of my physical qualities (except for the fact that I’m an AB blooded organism. Quite rare? Hehe) because my qualities are the qualities of the people who are, most of the time, bullied and treated like a loser. Like in the movies, we are the one who always receive painful words, number of punches, etc.  

Second, I cannot bear this pain in my heart. I don’t know how to handle this. 

I've been a HOPELESS ROMANTIC since the first time I felt the thing they called “Love” (Eros in this context).

I have a declaration (and everytime I say this, many people won’t believe me) – I NEVER HAD ONE! It’s just so painful especially when I walk around and I see this couple holding their hands and walking together – happy. It’s also painful that you are the only one in your batch who did not experienced EROS. And the most painful part of this is when THE PERSON YOU LOVE DOESN'T LOVE YOU BACK but rather, LOVED SOMEONE ELSE AS MUCH AS YOU LOVED HER. I always experienced ONE WAY/ SINGLE DIRECTION RELATIONSHIP. (In other words, I wasn't loved back) 

Last, I cannot bear this pain in my soul. I don’t know how to handle this. 

I've been a HYPOCRITE. 

I keep on inspiring other people but I myself is full of DESPERATION.

I keep on igniting the hope in other people’s lives but I myself is HOPELESS.

I keep on helping other people heal their painful lives but I myself is BROKENHEARTED.

I keep on telling other people to love other people especially their enemies but I HATE AND CANNOT ACCEPT MYSELF FOR WHO I REALLY AM.

I keep on telling other people to LOVE AND TRUST GOD but, to be honest, I sometimes doubt Him everytime other people, who are not so good, are more blessed than me. I GET ENVIOUS.

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO TO MEND THIS PAIN. 

Many priests told me to prioritize and to be more patient. Yes, this is a solution but only a part of the entire system. These solutions provided to me are (I guess) placed in the middle. This is not good at the start. I feel that there should be a solution made before these two.

Aside from being a Catholic who actively participate in Sacraments, I am also part of two Catholic Charismatic Communities (Light of Jesus Family and Couples for Christ – Youth for Christ). I regularly attend the prayer meeting of the Light of Jesus Family called “The Feast”. I also serve three different clusters simultaneously in CFC-YFC community.

I thought that being a part of these communities would help me heal the pain BUT NOT ENTIRELY. I get to know God more through this communities but I AM NOT COMPLETELY HEALED.
At first, serving simultaneously seems to help but as time pass by, I GET EXHAUSTED especially (I admit) when I serve WITHOUT MY HEART.

I tried to seek healing and acceptance from other people but this just intensified my pain. I GREW MORE DEPENDENT and this BROUGHT MORE PAIN IN MY LIFE. I realized, with the help of a known speaker, that I SHALL NOT SEEK FROM OTHER PEOPLE WHAT ONLY GOD CAN PROVIDE. I SEEK SECURITY AND PEACE, LOVE, and WORTH from other people. NOW, In order for the perfect healing to happen...

I SHALL SURRENDER TO GOD...

I think that for you to be more focused and more patient, you must first experience personally the love of God for you. I pray to have a JESUS EXPERIENCE in my life...I don’t want to be confined in Darkness. I want to be in the Light of His presence.


Sunday, July 28, 2013

Sigh...I really don't know what to do...

"Most people who are in pain wear mask to hide their weaknesses and tears so love them unconditionally to help them face their fears in life"

I really need a person whom I could talk to...Sobrang sakit na kasi...

#HanggangKailanAkoMagtatagoMulaSaPighatiAtSakit

Thursday, May 23, 2013

The Greatest LOVE: The Unchanging and Everlasting Love


A single father takes his eight year-old son to work with him at the railroad drawbridge where he is the bridge tender. A day before, the boy meets a woman boarding a train, a drug abuser. At the bridge, the father goes into the engine room, and tells his son to stay at the edge of the nearby lake. A ship comes, and the bridge is lifted. Though it is supposed to arrive an hour later, the train happens to arrive. The son sees this, and tries to warn his father, who is currently not paying attention and is unaware of the oncoming train. Just as the oncoming train approaches, his son falls into the drawbridge gear works while attempting to lower the bridge, leaving the father with a horrific choice. The father then lowers the bridge, the gears crushing the boy. The people in the train are completely oblivious to the fact a boy died trying to save them, other than the drug addict woman, who happened to look out her train window. 
This is a portrayal of How God Loved us, Loves us, and will Love us. His Love NEVER CHANGED.

His LOVE that lead to the creation of the Universe is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.
His LOVE towards Adam and Eve is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.
His LOVE that lead to the salvation of Noah, his Friends and Family, and to all animals from the Great Flood is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.
His LOVE towards Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.
His LOVE that lead to the calling of Moses to lead the Israelites out of Egypt is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today. 
His LOVE that the Three Wise Men experienced when they were Guided by the Star towards the Manger where the King of Kings was born is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.
His LOVE that was experienced by the people whom God healed and brought back to life is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.
His LOVE that was experienced by the 5000 people that was fed with 5 Loaves of Bread and 2 Fish is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.
His LOVE that was expressed by the exhausted, wounded, and pierced Jesus Christ while crucified and crowned with thorns is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.
His LOVE that was experienced by the people whom have seen the resurrected Jesus Christ is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.
His LOVE that was experienced by Mary, mother of God and the Apostles when the Holy Spirit descended upon them is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.
His LOVE that was experienced by the persecuted Christians and Martyrs is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.
His LOVE that was experienced by Saints is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today. 
His LOVE that was experienced by modern day saints is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.
His LOVE that was experienced by those who rejected God before and now surrendered to His will is the very same LOVE we experience in our lives today.

Friends, we may be experiencing a lot of pain and difficulties in life but remember the Love of God, though how may sins we have committed, is the very same Love that was experienced by His people before our time, the people during our time, and the people in the future. A Love that never ever have failed. A Love that is not conditional. A Love that is everlasting.

Many people may have rejected our love for them but remember that there is always This Guy who will never ever reject us and who is even willing to die and let go of all things that He has just to gain our love to Him. 

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

LIFE is not about my story. LIFE is about me serving Him and other people


Have you ever done something good towards other people while personally, you are in great pain? (Something like serving other people while your heart is broken and shattered)

I would like to admit that, personally, I was in great pain this whole summer. 
I had encountered a lot of painful stuffs.
I had done a lot of unbearable things towards other people.
I had made wrong and foolish decisions.
But God did not end with that. He made something amazing in my life…

PART ONE: “Focus not on the PAIN but on the PRIZE”
Have you ever felt that your life is like a race that never ends? 
A race that made you weary and eventually made you hopeless.
A race that made you say “I GIVE UP”

Personally, this summer, I almost gave up. I felt that pain was like the air, it was all around me. It was unbearable. I felt that I was running without stop. I may have endured the pain at first but now, I gave up. 
One day, out of nowhere, I saw my friend. He was a cyclist. I saw him remove his cycling shirt and I was astounded because I saw his original color. He was fair skinned. I was about to ask him why does he continue cycling when it will just burn his skin when a voice within me said “…because he focuses on the prize and not on the pain. He focuses himself on the feeling on getting into the finish line and not on the scourging heat of sun”. This made me realize that even though I have a lot of problems, I should always focus on the prize.
I must not give up but I must give all

PART TWO: “No is not a REJECTION but a REDIRECTION in life”
I was filled with doubt.
I remembered that it came to a point that I doubted God because my prayers seemed to be rejected. 
It seemed that God’s answering machine of prayers was broken. 
It seemed that God’s cellular phone of hope was in silent mode.

Because I was filled with pain and I want to change, I went into a confession. The priest told me that I was looking at my problems as if it were the biggest thing in life. He told me that these problems are actually minute in size. He told me that I could take charge of it and I just have to prioritize which problem should I focus first. This thing gave me direction in life. 

I thought that the unanswered prayers are God’s way of rejecting me but I realized that God wanted me to be redirected towards Him. I realized that I have done many things that made me lost He just wanted me to be on track again. 

My doubt towards Him turned into trust.

ONE FINAL SHARING

This summer, just like what I've said, I was in great pain.
My relationship with two special person to me are not that good compared before.
I have done a lot of wrong things to other people.
I took the trust of other people for granted.
I doubted God.

My life was a mess. I served God but I didn't found any direction in life. Some people told me that I made my service as my comfort zone. They told me that I served God because I find comfort in service. They told me that I serve God not because I want to serve Him but because I want to make myself comfortable. I almost agreed to them because somehow they are telling the truth but I believe God told me another thing…

During one camp, the speaker held a glass full of clear water. He then compared that glass to our life with God in our heart. Clear. Fresh. Perfect. But then sin came. He compared sin to chocolate powder. When poured on the glass of water, the water becomes dirty. But because God loves us, He poured and filled us with love and this was compared with water. God did not poured His love to us once. He poured His love to us again and again and again. He never get tired of pouring His love to us. And whenever you pour clean water into a container filled with dirty water, have you noticed that the dirt gradually decreases. The glass is not changed or thrown. It is still the same glass as before but gradually, the water in it becomes cleaner.

That is how God works in our lives. He made us perfect in the beginning but whenever we commit sin, we become dirtier but God wants us to be changed and not thrown away because we are useless. He sees something great in our lives a midst all the dirt in our heart. He don’t count the sins we have in our lives. He changes our lives through LOVE and not CONDEMNATION. 

I believe, this is the message of God to us. We may have done a lot of mess in life. We may have served Him selfishly but I believe service is where we feel His love to us. And through love, our lives are changed for the better.

HE WILL DO EVERYTHING JUST TO SAVE US. That HE WOULD GAVE UP EVERYTHING HE HAVE AND LOVE IN ORDER TO GAIN OUR LOVE. And when we realized this, He knew that we would change our lives and this change is our response to His UNFAILING LOVE TO US. 

Now, I know that I may have a lot of flaws. Sometimes I serve for my own gratitude and glory but I know that someday, I will fully serve for His gratitude and glory.

We cannot give what we don't have. We cannot love if we cannot experience love. That is why God fill our lives with Unconditional Love. So that we could love other people unconditionally and through this love, we could experience true happiness and hope in life.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

7 Dreams I Claim in Jesus' Name

"Until now, you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, that your joy may be full."- John 16:24

All of us have dreams in life and these dreams reflect God's plans and desires for and in our life.

Dream 1:
To bring and lead 1000 people closer to God's love before I die by loving them and inspiring them to love other people especially the "vampires" of their lives.

"I Will Worship You" (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=432253890189204&set=a.432252400189353.1073741828.329681450446449&type=1&theater)

Dream 2:
To encourage my family to join me at the Feast or Couples for Christ and let their lives be changed by 2014.

Bo Sanchez giving a talk (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=437975786283681&set=a.437974239617169.1073741832.329681450446449&type=3&theater)


Dream 3:
To graduate and be CUM LAUDE by March 2015.

(http://edwinrhodes.groupfusion.net/modules/groups/homepagefiles/cms/26479/Image/Cum%20Laude%20Robe%20pictures/Cum-Laude---Bronze.jpg)



Dream 4:
To be an animator, game designer, or software engineer at United States or Singapore by 2020.


Walt Disney (http://hrtlsangel.deviantart.com/art/Walt-Disney-Pop-Art-214055933)



Dream 5:
To be an effective leader that would inspire many people especially the youth.

Obet Cabrillas leading a prayer (https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=482274208458195&set=a.375826502436300.92793.245659595452992&type=1&theater)



Dream 6:
To meet the princess that would love me unconditionally and wholeheartedly accept me for who I am and make her my one and only, most loved queen of my life. The girl that I would marry and would be with me until the end of our lives.



Dream 7:
To be able to speak fluently and be a powerful speaker that would inspire many people. This shall happen by 2017.


"Speaking God's Word"

I may not yet fully achieved all of my dreams. I may have flaws. I may fall down and fail along the way but I claim that one day, all of these dreams will come true because I believe that God's desires and plans for my life are implanted on the core of every single dream I have in my life.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

The Bow and Arrow


"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." - Psalm 34:18 (NIV)

Our life is like the bow-arrow-archer-target relationship. How? 



Imagine that our life is like the bow, we are the arrow, the archer is God, and the target is our dreams. 

Sometimes, we are pulled back by our problems, pain, worries, and shame in life and it seems that we are farther from our dreams unlike during those times when we do not feel pain in life. But have you ever noticed that whenever we have problems, pain, worries, and shame in life, we are much closer to God? Yes, the ARROW may have been farther from the TARGET but have you ever noticed that the ARROW is closer to the ARCHER when the BOW is pulled back? My Friends, THIS IS HOW LIFE WORKS. We may have been farther from our dreams when we have problems compared to those times when we felt happiness but remember that GOD is just preparing us to LAUNCH US TOWARDS OUR DREAMS and it is also the JOY and FULFILLMENT of the ARCHER when the ARROW HIT THE TARGET. It is God's Desire and Joy when we reach our dreams.

Friends, are down and desperate in life? Remember that we have an Amazing God that will never ever leave us alone. Just trust in His ways and we will reach our dreams in life.

(I have written this message and was inspired from one of the talks of Bro. Bo Sanchez at The Feast at The Philippine International Convention Center, Pasay City)

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Songs and Lyrics that changed my Life: Part Sixteen

Mighty To Save
Hillsong United

Everyone needs compassion, 
Love that's never failing; 
Let mercy fall on me.

Everyone needs forgiveness, 
The kindness of a Saviour; 
The Hope of nations.

Saviour, He can move the mountains, 
My God is Mighty to save, 
He is Mighty to save.

Forever, Author of salvation, 
He rose and conquered the grave, 
Jesus conquered the grave.

So take me as You find me, 
All my fears and failures, 
Fill my life again.

I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in, 
Now I surrender.

My Saviour, He can move the mountains, 
My God is Mighty to save, 
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation, 
He rose and conquered the grave, 
Jesus conquered the grave.

Shine your light and let the whole world see, 
We're singing for the glory of the risen King... Jesus (x2)

My Saviour, He can move the mountains, 
My God is Mighty to save, 
He is Mighty to save.
Forever, Author of salvation, 
He rose and conquered the grave, 
Jesus conquered the grave.

My Saviour, you can move the mountains, 
You are mighty to save, 
You are mighty to save.
Forever, Author of Salvation, 
You rose and conquered the grave, 
Yes you conquered the grave

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Self Denial & Delayed Gratification

"Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” Mark 10:43-45 (NIV)

Before, pangarap ko lang ang maglingkod. Simula noong pumasok ako sa YFC-UST, sobrang nainspire na ako magmahal ng tao.

Two years ago, naging member ako ng YFC-UST Dance Ministry. Sobrang masaya ang naging experience ko. Sobrang bait ng tao. Sobrang saya talaga. Ang sarap maging member. Inaalagaan ka, minamahal ka, etc. After one year, na tap ako maging head ng ministry na iyon. I said yes kasi sobrang ganda ng naging experience ko pero after some time, SOBRANG NAHIRAPAN AKO. Ang daming oppression. Nahirapan ako maging head kasi una, bumaba grades ko. Pangalawa, ang hirap i handle ng buong ministry kung nakapag focus ka lang sa isang tao. Pangatlo, hindi ako naging magaling na head. Yung tipong head ka pero parang ikaw parin ang pinagsisilbihan. Ang dami kong naging mali. Ang sakit! Pero alam ko naman na may plano si God sakin kung bakit nangyari iyon. At medyo narerelalize ko na ngayon ang message Niya sa akin. 

Una, ang paglilingkod al laging kaakibat ng matinding pagsasakripisyo. Sa paglilingkod, dapat may Self Denial & Delayed Gratification. Dapat kapag naglilingkod tayo, isinasantabi natin ang ating sarili at kagustuhan at kapag naglilingkod tayo, dapat hindi tayo nagmamadali makuha ang ating mga pangarap. 

Pangalawa, magtiwala kay God. Noong head pa ako, naging less ang faith ko sa kanya. Akala ko kaya ko gawin mag-isa. Akala ko I can handle my grades all by myself. Consistent DL kasi ako habang member pa lang ako so akala ko kaya ko na pero ayun nga, nawala ako. Iyon ang isa sa pinakamalaking pagkakamali ko. Dapat naglilingkod ka, buo ang pagtitiwala mo kay God kahit na it seems that wa nang pag-asa. 

Pangatlo, magmahal lang. Noong naglilingkod ako, naging mayabang ako kasi Head nga ako eh. Pero narealize ko na dapat pag naglilingkod ka, kahit gaano kataas ang posisyon mo, maging humble at magmahal ka lang.

Oo, nagkamali ako pero hindi sumuko si God sa akin. Alam kong gusto Niya akong gawin na magaling na Servant. Hindi ko inakala na sobrang ganito na lang ako maglilingkod. Dati, sa YFC-UST lang ako naglilingkod pero ngayon, tinawag ako ni God na mas maglingkod at mas magmahal pa. Now, I'm currently serving CFC-YFC-UST as Dance Ministry Member and Creatives Ministry Member, CFC-YFC-South B3 as a Household Servant Leader, and CFC-YFC-South B9 as a Servant Member. Oo, mukhang imposible na ang ginagawa ko at mukhang pinapatay ko na ang sarili ko. Paano ba naman, 3 Lugar ang pinaglilingkuran ko ng sabay sabay. Pero nagtitiwala lang ako kay God kahit na gaano ito kahirap, alam kong tutulungan Niya ako. Alam ko na ito ang plano Niya sa akin kasi ito ang pangarap ko. Bring 1000 people closer to God before I die and this a way to bring them closer to God. I will love them and let them experience the Love of God. On the process, I may inspire them to be closer to God and maybe, start serving God through service to other people.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Everything, Good or Bad, must come to an END

Nothing is permanent.

Today, I had confession and it was really my first time to hear a priest's advises to be so concrete and practical. I used to hear that "My son, pray for it" or what but this priest gave me practical solutions to my problems and I thanked God for that.

One thing I realized about his advises was EVERYTHING MUST COME TO AN END. Just like what I've posted earlier, I've been experiencing unbearable problems in life and I MUST NOW COME TO AN END.

 - My grades went down and was removed from the Dean's List
 - My relationship with other people especially to a very special person to me has been growing worse
 - My family sometimes treat me differently
 - My service to a charismatic group has been very difficult
 - My faith has been growing weak and my doubt has been growing strong

These are some of the problems that brought me to the rock bottom of my life but now, THIS MUST END.

Father said that some problems must be solved right away, some could be solved on the latter part. Don't solve them all at the same time. Just one problem at a time.

And now, I should focus on finding out what is my core gift and use that to make good things and on the process, I'll grow in all aspects in life. I should prioritize things. Some things really can wait. For now I'll...

I will BELIEVE IN GOD that He only wants the best for me and nothing but the best. (My problem on faith shall be solved on the process)

I will focus on bringing my grades up and I'm Claiming the Victory in God's Mighty Name that I'll be GRADUATING AS CUM LAUDE or if possible as MAGNA CUM LAUDE and if God really wants me as SUMMA CUM LAUDE, so be it. I will focus more on my studies than before especially I'll be having my certification exam this year (It's like the board exam but in a lesser degree). (My problem on grades shall be solved on the process)

I will be more loving to my family and friends and accept them whoever they are. (My problem on relationship shall be solved on the process)

I will deny myself and I will delay gratification in order to give my all to God through serving Him and other people. (My problem on service shall be solved on the process)

And lastly, I will concentrate less on LOVE LIFE. For the past years, I've been fooled by this thing. I've been concentrating on finding my "Princess" and this expedition of mine has not brought me joy for, though I've given my all to those "princess", (I've been doing all sorts of things just to make them smile, I've been awake till late night and, sometimes, even daybreak, just to talk to them, I've been spending a lot, I've been faithful to them, and I've been ENDURING THE PAIN brought by another suitors and/ or possible rejections) all I received from them is the PAIN OF REJECTION. They never reciprocated the things I gave them. (Yes! You are right! I've been rejected all the time and no one had ever given me their SWEET YES) This pain MUST END and the solution I see is CONCENTRATING LESS on this aspect of my life. Yes, It's hard for me to do this because I sometimes envy other couples that surround me (Yung iba sa couple na ito, dapat AKO YUNG GUY pero ayun nga, nganga ako) but I'll have to give this a try and I think that these rejections are ways of God to tell me that there are more things to life than these relationships. (My problem on love life shall be solved on the process)

I may fail along the way. I may fall very hard. I may hit the bedrock of my life but I know these things happened because it must and meant to happen in my life. It may be painful but this pain will make me grow to a better person. I must face the failures with faith.


Saturday, April 20, 2013

Love? Family? I don't think so


My life has been miserable and incomplete. All I want is to be loved but look what I’ve found, pain.

Sigh. Yung inaasahan mo na ang unang magmamahal sa iyo ay ang pamilya mo, hanggang pangarap na lang. Sigawan dito, sigawan doon. Bangayan dito, bangayan doon. Sisi dito, sisi doon. Sobrang hirap ng sitwasyon ko kasi ang dami ko nan gang problema, pati ba naman sa bahay, wala akong makitang kapayapaan.

This is the main reason why, somehow, I don’t want to stay at home. Feeling ko kasi ako yung black sheep. Not loved, not given worth, not given importance, etc. Oo, they provide me with all my MATERIAL NEEDS ONLY. They cannot provide me emotional and spiritual needs. That’s what I really need.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay yung ama na sobrang papahalagahan kung sino ako, handing tanggapin ang pagkakamali na nagawa niya, at yung handing magpakumbaba, maintindihan lang ako hindi yung SISIGAWAN KA LAGI KAPAG MAY MALI KA, MINSAN AYAW MANIWALA SA AKIN, AT SASABIHIN “SINO BA ANG TATAY SA ATIN?”

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay yung ina na puno ng kapayapaan at pagtitiwala hindi yung SISGAWAN KA NA LANG AT KUNG MINSAN, AYAW MANIWALA SA AKIN.

Ang gusto ko lang naman ay yung kapatid na kasangga ko sa lahat ng bagay at lagging aagapay sa akin hindi yung KAKAMUHIAN KANG NAGING KAPATID KA NIYA AT WALANG PAG GALANG SA AKIN.

Sabihin niyo nga, komplikado ba yung mga bagay na hinihiling ko. Ang gusto ko lang naman ay yung pagmamahal at pagaaruga na tama hini yung parang ituring kang HAYOP. Ang sakit lang isipin na KAHIT SA PAMILYA KO HINDI KO MAILABAS ANG PROBLEMA KO SA BUHAY KO KASI HINDI SILA NAGTITIWALA SA AKIN.

Nasabi nga sakin minsan na “HINDI KA KAILANGAN DITO SA PAMAMAHAY NA ITO” Sa loob loob ko lang, kung pwede nga lang eh, ako na mismo ang lalayas kasi sobrang nasasaktan na ako sa pamamahay na ito. Imbis na ito ang pangnahing pagkukunan ko ng lakas, ito pa ang pangunahing nagpapahina sa akin.

Hindi ko rin naman sa kanila masabi kasi MATATAAS PRIDE NILA EH, SA SOBRANG TAAS, HINDI NILA MARIRINIG ANG BOSES NG HAMPASLUPANG TULAD KO. Wala naman silang pakialam sa akin.

For sure, kapag nabasa nila ito, sisigawan lang nila ako at sasabihin, “BAKIT KA NAG SULAT NG GANITO?! HINDI KA BA NAHIYA SAMAKAKABASA NITO?!” Well, isa lang masasabi ko, kapag sinigawan nila ako, isa lang ibig sabihin, Sa hinaba haba ng sinulat ko at lahat lahat, hindi tumagos sa puso nila ang nais kong sabihin sa kanila na MAHAL KO SILA. OO, may mga pagkukulang ako. Inaamin ko yon. At dahil mahal ko sila, pilit kong iniintindi ang ugali nila, kahit sobra na akong nasasaktan. Sana naman making naman sila sa akin kahit ngayon lang pero imposible kasi mataas nga sila eh. Hindi ko sila maabot at kaya nga nila ako sinisigawan kasi kahit kalian, hindi nila kayang magpakumbaba..........kahit sa sarili nilang anak at kapatid. 

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Coming Back Home

Home is a place where we feel peace and harmony. It may or may not be in our own house but the thing is home is a place where we feel safe.

Home for me is doing things I love like drawing, doing artwork, and having a colorful life. 


For some years now, my life has lingered in darkness and shadow. I should have taken AB Multimedia Arts or any related programs but something happened in my life and now, I kept on doing things that I don't love. Yes, I'm now used to those things and I don't feel pain in it but i felt something missing. I felt like there are no color in my life. Because of this, I would try to go back home, drawing.

Yes, I will try to see if I can still manage to draw with my heart and pencil connected with each other. At first, it may be hard for me to do an artwork because of those years without any practice but I won't give up because I believe that this is my home and I will find peace in every artwork I do because I put my whole heart in it.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Songs and Lyrics that changed my Life: Part Fifteen


While I'm Waiting
John Waller

I'm waiting 
I'm waiting on You, Lord 
And I am hopeful 
I'm waiting on You, Lord 
Though it is painful 
But patiently, I will wait 

I will move ahead, bold and confident 
Taking every step in obedience 

While I'm waiting 
I will serve You 
While I'm waiting 
I will worship 
While I'm waiting 
I will not faint 
I'll be running the race 
Even while I wait 

I'm waiting 
I'm waiting on You, Lord 
And I am peaceful 
I'm waiting on You, Lord 
Though it's not easy 
But faithfully, I will wait 
Yes, I will wait 

I will move ahead, bold and confident 
Taking every step in obedience 

While I'm waiting 
I will serve You 
While I'm waiting 
I will worship 
While I'm waiting 
I will not faint 
I'll be running the race 
Even while I wait 



I will move ahead, bold and confident 
Taking every step in obedience 

While I'm waiting 
I will serve You 
While I'm waiting 
I will worship 
While I'm waiting 
I will not faint 
I'll be running the race 
Even while I wait 


I will serve You while I'm waiting 
I will worship while I'm waiting 
I will serve You while I'm waiting 
I will worship while I'm waiting 
I will serve you while I'm waiting 
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Sign of Love: Rejection

Have you been rejected by someone? Sa school (ng mga classmates, schoolmates, teachers, or officials)? Sa bahay (parents, siblings, etc.)? Sa organizations? Sa workplace? and sa pinakamadalas na aspeto, Love life? Well, kung ako tatanungin, ABA, LAHAT ng rejections, naranasan ko na. 

-Na reject na ako sa school. Yung mga pinaghirapan mong  projects and reports, babalewalain lang ng teachers/ professors mo. 
-Sa bahay naman, naranasan ko na ding makarinig ng "Sana di na lang kita naging kamag anak/ anak", "Kung hindi ka susunod, lumayas ka! HINDI KA NAMIN KAILANGAN SA PAMAMAHAY NA ITO"
-Sa organizations, Ang pangit daw ng artworks na gawa ko
-And sa lovelife, Well, Ayun, ALWAYS REJECTED SINCE BIRTH. I've tried my best to give my all and to do what's best for them but then, REJECTED, not once, not twice, not thrice, but almost 10 times (I hope di na mag 10)

But then, I realized two things about rejection.

First point: Whenever we do something wrong towards our brothers and sisters or maybe whenever we commit sin, WE REJECT GOD

Let's say God is a true lover and Devil is a playboy. (For comparison purposes only) Well, ano ba ang characteristics ng playboy. Playboy ay yung tao na kahit may love na, nakuha pading makipaglandian sa iba. Though ang gaganda ng mga sinasabi nila, ang sarap niya kausap, in the end, MASASAKTAN LANG TAYO SA KANYA. True lover naman ay yung IBIBIGAY ANG LAHAT MAPASAYA LANG YUNG INIIBIG NIYA and hindi siya nagsasabi ng magagandang bagay na wala naman satin pero sinasabi niya yung imperfections natin but then He tries to help us na maayos yung imperfections na iyon. Mos people tend to FALL EASILY SA MGA PLAYBOY without realizing na sobrang masasaktan sila. Only those who open themselves and are wiling to wait ang nagkakaroon ng true love. Oo, masarap magkasala eh pero sa huli, tayo ang kawawa. If we chose to wait and do good, though minsan masakit, in the end, tayo ang panalo. Sa sobrang love ni God satin, HE GAVE UP HIS GLORY IN HEAVEN AND HIS LOVE JUST TO SAVE US. THERE IS NO GREATER LOVE THAN THAT.

Second point: Whenever we feel that God is not answering our prayers, JUST WAIT AND SEE


Naranasan mo na ba na tila WALANG DIYOS? Kasi walang kasagutan sa mga panalangin at tanong mo? Well, what I had learned sa Feast PICC, GOD IS A GOD WHO LOVES THE JOURNEY THAN THE DESTINY. God is a God who likes being with you along the way than being with you in the finish line. This is because it is during the journey that a person grows. And God also knows what is the best for you so whenevere He say NO, don't be sad because He will give you the answer which is far better than what you've asked for.

Remember, rejections are like detours. Though the road through in may be rough and full of dirt, darkness, and uncertainty, it will lead us towards our dreams faster than taking the ordinary road and also, trough these detours, we experience GOD'S LOVE more. We just have to trust in God. remember, HE IS THE LIGHT OF OUR LIFE.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Sign of Love: Pain: Part Three


This will be the last part of the series. 



Before, I asked God to make me an instrument of His love and to inspire others and help others in their problems. Now, I realized that GOD is letting me experience A LOT of pain in my life SO THAT I may be able to help other people because just like what I have said in my earlier blog posts, ONLY THOSE WHO HAD EXPERIENCED THE SAME PAIN CAN HELP THOSE PEOPLE WITH THAT KIND OF PAIN. I believe that this is the reason my He let me experience A LOT of PAIN. But even though He allow this to happen, I BELIEVE that HE IS WITH ME IN MY FIGHT. HE NEVER ABANDONED OR FORSAKE ME. 

Whenever we feel that things happen against our will or maybe we keep on waiting and waiting for something to happen but nothing seems to happen, remember, God has something GREAT in store for you. NEVER GIVE UP!   

Monday, April 1, 2013

Speaking Words I never thought I'd say

My Dream #7


"To be able to speak fluently and be a powerful speaker that will inspire many people. This shall happen by 2017"

Since 2011, I wanted to inspire others through the words I will say and I never thought it would happen.


Two weeks ago, I was invited by a friend of mine who is also the head in YFC South B9 to give a talk on a youth camp. At first, I was afraid because I don't want to be rejected and I don't want to see my audience get bored when I speak but I realized, this is the first step in achieving my dreams, to conquer my fears. Because of this, I accepted the invitation. 

I was so nervous on the day I was to deliver my talk but I prayed to God to use my nervousness to inspire and help the youth know more about God. And yes, God did not failed me! They are very attentive listening to me and I see smiles in their faces. 

Yes, I know, I still have failures in this thing but I know, I will grow more because God is there to help me and He will never leave me alone. I will just do this for His Glory. 


I never thought that from a Youth Camp Participant, I would be a Youth Camp Speaker! I thank God for answering my dreams and prayers!

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Sign of Love: Pain: Part Two

In the first part of this blog post, you have heard every pain I had experienced in the past week. That pain was so unbearable that it almost crushed my heart and my entire life. So unbearable that it almost made me gave up in life but I heard a voice saying, MY SON! MY SON! DO NOT GIVE UP! I HAVE SOMETHING GOOD IN STORE FOR YOU! This made me realize that IN THE MIDST OF EVERY UNBEARABLE PAIN, THERE IS A GOD WHO IS READY TO FIGHT FOR YOU NO MATTER HOW HOPELESS IT MAY BE. A GOD WHO WILL GIVE YOU HOPE. A GOD WHO WILL HELP YOU WIN IN LIFE.

It was March 28, 2013, MAUNDY THURSDAY, when I have realized how God loves me through the TV Program “The 8th Word”. It was a Shepherd’s Voice Radio and Television and Preacher in Blue Jeans Holy Week Special. It was about the Seven Last Words of Jesus Christ before He died on the cross PLUS AN EIGHT WORD of Christ to the World. The message was delivered in a special manner by Bo Sanchez and some Kerygma Preachers like Alvin Barcelona, Obet Cabrillas, Rissa Singson-Kawpeng, Arun Gogna, J Yogawin, Migs Ramirez, and George Gabriel. Their message is simple yet it will move and change your life if you just let them.

I realized a lot of things. Yes, I may have lost a thing that I only treasure (being on the Dean’s List) but I realized that God has given me everything that I need in life. I realized that if I haven’t sacrificed my time for other people, especially for my friends and family, they may be experiencing great pain in their life.

I remember those times when I readily sacrificed my time just to help my friends in their problems like in Academics (Most of the time), Spiritual, Social, Relationship, Family, etc.

I remembered that whenever I have a friend who find it hard to understand their lesson, regardless of their year level and their academic level (It may be High School or College), I will help them even though I’m also busy. I remembered, I have helped friends from Paranaque Science High School (lower years), Information Technology Department (lower years), AMV-College of Accountancy, and of course, Computer Science Department (both my block mates and some friends from other sections). I would tend to sacrifice going home late or going to school early just to help them in the best way I could. I do this without expectations of something in return. I don’t want to be paid for what I do. I just do these things because I LOVE THEM. Yes! As simple as that.

I also remembered helping friends in their relationship and social problems. One is a friend of mine during high school and now studying at De La Salle – College of Saint Benilde, another is a friend from CFC-Youth For Christ South B9, and also some friends form University of Santo Tomas.

Now, my message for you (a message inspired by the K Preachers) is that, you may be experiencing right now a PAIN SO UNBEARABLE, IT CRUSHES YOUR WHOLESELF or maybe, you may be experiencing DIFFICULTY SO PAINFUL, IT POWDERED YOUR WHOLE LIFE but REMEMBER, GOD IS A GOD OF BLESSINGS, HEALING AND MIRACLES. God knows your pain. As a matter of fact, he experienced PAIN in human context. (Revealed on some bible verses like the shortest verse in the bible, “Jesus wept” - John 11:35) Yes, it may be painful but just LET GOD TRANSFORM YOUR PAIN INTO YOUR PARADISE and USE YOUR PAIN TO HELP OTHER PEOPLE RECOVER FROM THE PAIN because ONLY THOSE WHO HAD EXPERIENCED THE SAME PAIN CAN HELP THOSE PEOPLE WITH THAT KIND OF PAIN. (Ang mga taong makakatulong lang sa mga pighati ng isang tao ay yung mga taong nakaranas ng parehong pighati sa buhay) That is a proof that you can trust to God your pain. Besides He is a God of Healing, He also know what to do with your pain because He had experienced every bit of that. He had experienced every bit of human pain. Just RAISE YOUR WHITE FLAG TO GOD AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE. You don’t have to live in fear because you have a God who will never ever forsake you. He is the Perfect Father, Perfect Brother, and a Perfect Teacher that WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU. And if you tell me that you think you are not worthy of His love because you are sinful, I tell you, GOD DOES NOT LOOK AT EVERY BIT OF SIN YOU HAVE DONE BUT HE LOOKS AT YOUR FUTURE WITH GREAT HOPE. Trust in Him and everything will be Alright. ALL IS WELL.

(This is the reason why PAIN is a SIGN of LOVE.)


Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last.
-Luke 23:46

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Sign of Love: Pain: Part One


This may be the most controversial part of my blog because majority of us would say that PAIN is not a SIGN of LOVE but rather its OPPOSITE. Kasi, paano ba naman, makakapag mahal ka ba ng maayos kung NASASAKTAN KA. Yung feeling na GOOD FRIDAY and buhay mo.

Sobra akong nasasaktan na ngayon. Ang daming pighati. Sa araw na ito, NASIRA MGA PANGARAP KO.

Una, Akala ko bukas pa ang bigayan ng grades pero pwede na daw makita ngayon. Kaya ayun, tinignan ko, nagbabakasakaling maganda ang makikita ko pero hindi. SOBRANG SAKIT! Nakita ko, 1.774 ang Semestral Average ko. In short, HINDI NA AKO DL. For the past 3 semesters, consistent DL ako pero wala na eh. FIRST TIME TO! ANG SAKIT! LAHAT NG PUYAT MO, NABALEWALA. Akala ko matiwasay na akong papasko next Sem. Akala ko maayos ko na maipagdidiwang ang Summer PERO HINDI! DUMATING NA ANG KINAKATAKUTAN KO. ANG DAMI KONG SAKRIPISYO para lang makapag aral. ANO NA ANG MUKHANG IHAHARAP KO. SOBRANG HIYANG HIYA NA AKO. Ang dami kong Kaibigan na DL padin hanggang ngayon. Eh ako, WASAK NA MGA PANGARAP KO. Punong puno na ako ngayon ng KAHIHIYAN. Ano na lang ang mukhang ihaharap ko sa kanila? Sa mga Magulang ko, sa mga kaibigan ko, sa mga kamag anak ko. Yung feeling na ayaw mo na pumunta ng school KASI SOBRANG HIYANG HIYA KA NA. Ewan mo, Ginawa mo naman ang lahat, eh bakit kilang padin :( ANG SAKIT ISIPIN KASI .024 lang ang kapos ko. Parang ayaw ko na bumalik sa school. Parang ayaw ko na magpakita sa mga tao. HIYANG HIYA NA AKO. Ito na nga lang ang pwede kong maipag malaki sa mga tao kasi WALA TALAGA! WALA AKONG SOMETHING NA MAIPAGMAMALAKI KO. WALA AKONG PERA, KULELAT AKO SA PISIKAL NA KAANYUAN. ANO PA BA? SIGE! WALA AKONG KWENTA! Sa sobrang hiya ko sa sarili ko, Gusto ko munang magpakalayo, layo. Deactivated muna ang Facebook at Twitter ko at babawasan ko na din ang pag tetext. AYOKO MUNANG MAGPARAMDAM. Magpapakalayo muna ako...

Pangalawa, sigh, ito, sawi na naman ako sa LL. As usual... Ewan ko nga ba eh, binigay ko naman ang lahat.

Pero naisip ko, ang mga pighating ito, may gagawin si God sa akin. OO, Good Friday parin ang buhay ko pero naniniwala ako, dadating din ang Easter Sunday...


Saturday, March 9, 2013

Sign of Love: Smile

Sa araw na ito, sobrang depressed ko pero ang saya lang kasi NAKITA ko si GOD na NGUMITI SAKIN. As in FACE TO FACE :")

Knanina, sobroang aga ko umalis ng bahay para lang mag-aral sa library ng Calculus. Though na nag-aral na ako ng mahigit sa isang linggo, tingin ko kailangan ko parin mag-aral so I decided na pumasok ng maaga. Then, nakarating ako ng school, 4 hours before the exam so todo aral ako. Ang dami kong sinolve na problems tapos sa sobrang adik ko na, nag solve ako ng malulupit na problems (e.g. yung mga equations na may e^x, sinx, secx) Ayun, nasolve ko naman siya kahit papaano. So sabi ko sa sarili ko, "Handa na ako" 


Dumating yung exam, nagulat ako, kasi dalawang problems lang. At ang nagulat ako, compared sa mga sinolve ko sa library, sobrang simple ng binigay ng prof. Sabi ko, "yakang yaka to" pero sa sobrang kaba at pressure, nalito ako. Di ko nga alam kasi sobrang nag-aral ako pero nalito parin ako. Tapos ang masama pa,  5 minutes before ng time, sabi ng prof "Bawal gamitin yung 2nd Theorem of Pappus" Eh yun pa naman ang ginamit ko kasi madali kaya sobrang napressure ako at sinubukan kong palitan yung sagot ko. Ayun, nauwi sa wala :( After ng exam, para mawala yung depression at stress, bumili ako ng Shake sa Zagu. Tapos ayun, medyo nawawala na. Tapos noon, pumunta ako sa tita ko para gawin yung project ng pinsan ko. Sobrang antok na ako ng mga panahong iyon pero pinilit ko parin tapusin. After ko matapos yung project nya, pumunta kami ng pinsan ko sa SM San Lazaro para kumain. Tapos ayun, Kumain lang kami ng kumain. Nag Burger King at nag KFC kami. Sobrang busog ko pero sa sobrang depression, gusto ko pa kumain. (by the way, sobrang depressed ako kasi I'm aiming for a grade higher than 1.75 sa integral calculus para mahatak yung ibang subject pero mukhang isa pa ang calculus na kailangan kong hatakin pataas...) So ayun, after noon, I've decided na umuwi na. On my way home, I saw this little girl. Homeless and sobrang nakakaawa. Nanlilimos siya. Nakahiga sa lap niya yung kapatid niya. "Ang sinasabi pa niya noon, "Pangkain lang po" Sobrang naapektuhan ako noon. Kasi before, nakaexperience ako ng taong tinulungan ko at binilhan ko ng pagkain, pero pera parin ang hanap niya. Pero ngayon, sobrang iba. naghahanap siya ng pera para may makain. So I've decided na ibili ko sila ng food. Ginamit ko yung pang pamasahe na binigay ng tita ko sa akin. Dapat ilalaan ko sa savings ko iyon pero naisip ko, "Aanhin ko pa ang pera ko kung maraming nagugutom. Sana man lang gamitin ko ang ipon ko para kahit papaano, maibsan ang gutom nila" So ayun, bumili nga ako. Tapos, binigay ko sa kanila. Di ko napansin tatlo pala silang nanduon. ang una ko kasing bilang ay dalawa lang so dalawa lang binili ko. Pero ayun, sabi ko sa bata na may kasamang ngiti "Pakabusog kayo!" Though na di ko sila narinig na talagang nagpasalamat (pero parang bumulong siya eh na "Kuya, Salamat po") nakita ko talaga siya na ngumiti. Sobrang lungkot niya kanina (siguro dala na rin ng gutom) pero after ko siya bigyan ng food, SOBRANG SAYA NIYA at tsaka yung ngiti niya, di ordinaryo eh. Maraming ngiti na akong nakita, Ngit ng kaibigan pag pinagtitripan ako, ngiti ng magulan kapag may award ako, ngiti ni crush pag kinikilig, etc. pero IBA TALAGA YUNG NGITI NIYA. I SAW GOD IN HER, SMILING AT ME. Sobrang ganda talaga ng ngiti niya. Noong nakita ko iyon, sobrang napawi na lahat ng kalungkutan ko. Promise. Ang sweet tignan ng ngiti niya. Di ko matanggal sa isip ko yung ngiti niya. Ang Ganda kasi. First time ko makakita ng isang taong tinulungan mo, tapos ganun ka ganda yung ngiti. Kahit na hindi ko siya narinig umimik, yung ngiti pa lang niya, sobrang gumaan na loob ko. 

In her, I saw and heard God telling me, "Son, do not sin again. Come home now. Come to Me. I am here, ready and willing to give everything just to make you happy."  Through that girl, I felt LOVE. I prophesy na that girl will be happy in her life because though na mahirap at walang wala siya, she is able to share her happiness to other people. Ang sarap talaga maging bata, bata na alam na mahal na mahal siya ng kanyang AMA at INA :")